The half-life of love is forever.  ~Junot Diaz, This Is How You Lose Her Eight years after my husband’s death, I carry our love in my heart pocket. I’m used to the ache. Longing doesn’t surprise me. I don’t need to get rid of sorrow or move on. This inevitable aspect of love is mine to hold and share. […]

Six weeks after my husband’s stem cell transplant in 2007, he drove our Subaru west on the New York State Thruway. A stocking cap covered his hairless head. I sat in the passenger seat. His jaw muscles popped with tension. “Let’s make a list,” I suggested. “I hate lists,” Vic said quietly. “It’s important to write […]

I saw a bluebird couple yesterday. “No, NO!” I wanted to yell. “Don’t sit on that nesting box. The tree swallows live there. Try the empty box closer to the house.” They wouldn’t have listened. So, I watched through my binoculars and waited. My belly tightened. My jaw clenched. Zoom from above… The tree swallow dive-bombed the […]

1. Death makes us value life The death of someone I love reminds me of my own impermanence. The loss of their familiar presence makes me consider what matters most to me. In my twenties, I read The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castenada. Young, in love, with a long life ahead of me, I took in the idea that death […]

After nearly three years of cancer therapy, my brother’s body was exhausted. There were no more options. Jim was dying. The previous week, I spent four days with him in his hospital room. We were often alone then. When he closed his eyes, I meditated. When he opened his eyes, we shared memories and hopes. Jim said […]

My brother Jim seemed steady and a little stronger last week. There was talk of releasing him from the hospital to rehab, so I drove seven hours home to deal with what I’d left behind. I needed to take my mother-in-law Virginia to the doctor. The day before I left to be with Jim, she was […]