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Twelve Years after His Death

On May 26, 2020 / Bereavement and End of Life / 31 Comments

I walk to my husband Vic’s cairn in the forest to honor his life and death. Along the way, I peek in the nesting boxes to see if the bluebird eggs have hatched. I pick lupines near

The Peace of Surrender

On May 12, 2020 / Bereavement and End of Life, Family and Friends / 24 Comments

Rushing toward Strong Hospital in 2008, I call the pulmonologist, the oncologist, the cardiologist, and our family doctor. “Should we put your husband on a ventilator?” they ask me. “Can you give him chemo after he nearly

Praise in Disheartening Days

On April 28, 2020 / Nature, Spirituality / 34 Comments

During this quarantine without life’s usual distractions, anxiety follows me like my puppy. I’m safe, but the Earth trembles. I smother one flaming fear by reminding myself I’m OK. Then another flares. When my husband was dying,

The Greek God Pan, Pandemic, & Nature’s Healing Balm

On April 14, 2020 / Health, Nature / 21 Comments

My email feed and Facebook page burn with coronavirus news and magic ways to avoid the covid-19 pandemic. I remind myself to breathe. Our house is on fire. And still, the moon makes her nightly rounds and

We’ll Find a New Way of Living, We’ll Find a Way of Forgiving

On March 31, 2020 / My Land and Home, Spirituality / 32 Comments

I dropped into a Deep Well of Grief this morning. I grieved for dreams shattered, especially for younger people, for dying humans everywhere, for a struggling world and suffering planet. Then I did what I do when

When Only Kindness Makes Sense

On March 17, 2020 / Bereavement and End of Life, Health / 23 Comments

Just before our fortieth wedding anniversary in 2008, I drive my husband Vic to Strong Hospital where he’s being treated for lymphoma. The long drive is familiar after two years. Spring-green hillsides shout May vitality and hope,

Choose What You Love

On March 3, 2020 / Family and Friends, Psychology and Mythology / 15 Comments

I lie in the dark in my lover’s arms listening to his slow sleeping breath. I’ve known him just a few months, but he’s the man I want to marry. A streetlight on West Seneca Street beams

Dreaming the Earth Mother, Searching for Ground

On February 18, 2020 / Creativity, Health, Psychology and Mythology / 16 Comments

I’ve always felt grounded, sturdy in my hiking boots on a challenging trail, but there is no “always” in bodies. We change constantly, quickly or slowly. In 2013, as my L ear roared and the hearing disappeared,

When Joy Breaks Through Grief

On February 4, 2020 / Bereavement and End of Life, Family and Friends, Nature / 9 Comments

In 2010, eighteen months after my husband died, I longed for relief from constant sorrow, so joined three friends for an adventure to Gasparilla Island, Florida. Instead of sunshine and warmth, we faced unusually cold, cloudy weather,

Artemis Adopts a Pup: A Fanciful Ancient Greek Diary

On January 21, 2020 / Psychology and Mythology / 19 Comments

September I’ve had dogs all my life, so I should know how to raise them. The God Pan brought me a litter of six black pups and said they could be trained to hunt lions. I chose