Mother of the Groom silk
This body likes hiking boots and jeans. It digs deep wide holes for plants and spades out dandelion roots. It likes broad brimmed hats and Vic’s old broadcloth shirts instead of sunscreen. In winter, it pulls on snow pants, down vests, and fleece hats. It appreciates brown rice and organic vegetables. I count on this body, even when I whine about round thighs and wrinkles. Slowly, day by day with me hardly noticing, this body became a gray-haired crone. And I admit that since Vic died, I haven’t done much to decorate the old girl.
In June, she will be part of my son David’s wedding as he takes Liz McFarlane to be his wife. This body needs to do two things: walk with composure at David’s side to give him away to his bride and read a poem by Robert Bly with a few words of my own. I fret about weeping at the wedding without Vic at my side.
“We’ll all cry,” Liz says. “Don’t worry about it.”
Elaine in the garden
This body could wear sweats and Tevas to the wedding. I could dress her in the casual clothes I wear to give a reading or lead a bereavement group. She could wear any old thing, since the wedding attire is backyard casual. But she wants to dress joyously, something she isn’t used to doing. She wants a mother of the groom outfit.
For the first time since my high school prom, I search for silk. I visit Fibers Boutique in the Dewitt Mall in Ithaca, but nothing is quite right—too large, too flowing, too neutral, not the joyful look I seek.
“Let Joan make you something,” my friend Lisa Romm White who works at Fibers suggests.
“Make something for me?” this body says. “We can’t do that.”
“It’s your son’s wedding,” Lisa says, clearly enunciating each word. I know that is enough reason.
“Yes,” I say. “Yes.”
“What colors do you love?” Joan Reuning, designer, artist, and owner of Fibers, asks as she looks me over with an expert eye.
“Turquoise in summer,” I say. “Or maybe apricot,” I add, less sure.
“Let me go through my silk,” Joan says. “I’ll call you.”
A few days later, I return to Fibers to look at fabric, and there is one turquoise, blue, and green watercolor print I can’t resist. We talk about the style, but I don’t have to say much. Joan is an artist. I trust her.
Joan creates a shirt, flowing and flattering, perfect for my body, in colors I love. Lisa orders a shell to go with it. We discuss jewelry, something more than the earrings I usually wear. So, this body will dress up, grateful for the honor I bestow on her. After all, she houses the womb that once housed the groom.
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For other articles about the love affair and engagement of Liz McFarlane and David Mansfield, see Engaging and Letting Go or Love Infusion.
You will look gorgeous in this!
Thanks for your vote of confidence, Patt. Last night, my son’s fiance put out a Facebook note reminding everyone to dress casually and that she is wearing a sun dress and flip-flops and my son is wearing shorts and a golf shirt. I laughed and told her I cannot comply. Mother of groom has to wear silk. As usual, out of sync with dress codes.
I’m crying already! It’s all good. I’m so happy to be marrying David and joining our families. 18 more days!!! I love you very much.
17 days and counting. I’m happy you are marrying David. So much love. I look forward to meeting your family, old friends, and putting all these psyches in one big stew. We will dance!
I love it, Elaine. It is so the right time and event to adorn yourself in a joyful splash of silky color. I can’t wait to see pictures of you in your new wedding clothes. Congratulations and cheers!
Thanks Robin. I will be overdressed, but I don’t care. I’m going for it. Nice to have a celebration in our family. Wedding takes place just a few days after the 5th anniversary of Vic’s death, so I’ll be using this day as another opportunity for letting go and welcoming new things. The unending process.
I can’t wait for pictures. The top is LOVELY!
Everyone in shorts and jeans. Me in silk. Go for it, Elaine. Honor that body. Thanks for cheering me on, Lynne.
Elaine, I am crying, too, over your writing today. It is the second anniversary of my husband’s death on Friday, and I’m feeling it.
I am like you in preferring work-clothes, that is, comfortable attire, to dress-up. But I think it’s glorious that you will be in turquoise silk on your son’s wedding day.
We need to celebrate the living to honor the dead.
Oh, Lynne, this must be a week of many memories and a sad heart. All those anniversaries that keep on coming to remind us of what we’ve lost and that we’re navigating new ground. Vic died in early June, and I spent most of that summer outside because watching nature burst with life helped balance my inner state. The fifth anniversary of Vic’s death is a few days before the wedding. David and Liz are fearless about grief and suggest we have a small family ritual a few days before the wedding to remember Vic’s death. This may take some of the emotional pressure off or bring more grief up to the surface. Who knows? We will all miss Vic on this day. So sadness accompanies our joy. Thinking of you this week. It helps me to remember that we are not alone in our loves and losses.
Dear Elaine, I LOVE your outfit and that is coming from one who lives in khakis and walking shoes. You will look lovely and feel lovely as silk embraces you. I KNOW this will be a tough day without your husband at your side…and if you cry, you cry. No one will be shocked and if they are, who cares. Those who matter will understand. My cousin died in an airplane crash years ago and his daughter’s wedding was scheduled for 5 months later. The groom was a football player in college and the entire team were his groomsmen. At the end of the service when they turned to leave the church, they all had those glasses on that are attached to a plastic nose and mustache….so that everyone would crack up laughing….as sadness hung in the air of that wedding….we do what we do to survive. I will be thinking of you as you walk down that aisle….looking so lovely and embraced in silk that came right out of the earth (worms)…where your heart is so often.
Thank you, Mary. I love your story and will share it with my younger son to see if we can pull something silly off. It would help everyone to have a laugh. Maybe it takes a football team to pull off something like that. The aisle will be outdoors as it’s a backyard wedding with me giving away my son and the bride’s mom giving her away. Her dad, a retired Presbyterian minister, will officiate. And David will sing to his bride. I dissolve just imagining it. We definitely need some mustaches.
Fabulous
You
Attired
Embellished
with a Poem
for your Son
Joining his Bride
Thank you, Michael. It will be a joyous day–as you can imagine. Thanks for your poem and your affirmation. Vic always said that my favorite “language of love” was affirmation.
I love that color, too. And silk feels so lovely on the skin. How wonderful to have something specially made for you! Be sure to post a photo of you wearing it. My eldest daughter’s wedding was in February, and I bought a new dress, something I hadn’t done in a very very long time. She had a hairdresser come to the house, and all the gals were putting on their pretty, doing each other’s makeup and hair. I had forgotten how fun it was to dress up. (There’s a photo of the wedding party on the cover of my facebook page) I bought another new dress when I got home. Haven’t had the opportunity to wear it yet, but it’s fun “being a girl” once in a while.
Blessings to you and your son on this special day.
You and your family look beautiful, Charlene. I just checked you out on FB. Something so heartening about a celebration of love. This is the first celebratory event since my husband’s death and is a few days from the five year anniversary–so we’ll be laughing and crying at the same time. Isn’t that just how life is? Thank you for writing–and thanks for your wonderful book. I just finished reading it and especially enjoyed what you wrote and new ideas I learned. I’ll write more about this directly to you. In any case, I may be the most dressed up person at the wedding, but no one will care.
As always beautifully written. The outfit is lovely and joyous and perfect for this momentous occasion! 🙂
Thank you, Ann. I’m doing all I can to celebrate this first big happy event since Vic’s death–and it’s just a few days from the 5th anniversary. As you can imagine, we’ll be enjoying lots of happy and sad memories–and sharing old photos.
I look forward to being a privileged guest just to be at this special occasion. Elaine ,I know that you’ll only complete this special day with your presence and beauty…you have lived a legacy and continue to do so for your family and friends that any mom would be proud of.
Thank you, Natalie. I am a happy mama, that’s for sure. And, of course, we will all miss Vic’s physical presence. He would be so happy for David and Liz. I look forward to seeing you and celebrating together in a few weeks and I’m so glad you’ve stayed in touch. Warmly, Elaine
Once you walked into Fibers that day when I was working, I knew why you were there and I knew I would not let you leave without finding just the right piece for you to wear in honor of David and Liz’s wedding. And I was thrilled when it turned out that you opted for a Joan Reuning original. Let me tell all of you friends and relatives of the amazing Elaine Mansfield: I have seen Elaine in this gorgeous silk and she is a Goddess. And it felt like Vic was in the room that day with us. I want to see photos of Elaine and David and Liz on the wedding day. My heart is full….Congratulations 🙂
Wow! Thank you, Lisa. If you didn’t work at Fibers, I’d be wearing sweats.
Hi Elaine — It’s me again, Lisa….Hmmmmmm…..I often wondered why I took this very part time job at Fibers….Now I know it was in part to be available to guide you to look and feel fabulous for your family on this awesome occasion….and for YOURSELF….I can’t wait to read all about it (and see lots of photos of course)xoxoxoxo
Lisa, it was essential to me to have you there and I appreciate your developed sense of beauty. There will be photos, I’m sure, and Lauren will be there, so I’ll make sure she gets some good shots of me. She knows you have to have many photos to get one good one. Sending you love.
Lauren has an eye for beauty, color, style and design like no other (my modest opinion;) I am confident that she will get the best shots. I am so excited for all of you. May your joy take you to the deepest bliss you can imagine. xoxo