Searching for Sparks: Camp Widow Toronto
I went to Camp Widow to meet new friends, give and receive comfort, and share peak moments. Our widowed lives can be lonely and empty compared to the lives we had with our partners. No matter how long it’s been, we crave inspiration, understanding, and joy.
On the first day, I led a workshop called “Leaning into Love: Rituals of Self-Support.” We created an altar of mementos, photos, candles, and names of those we’ve lost. We discussed the ways we carry our grief, mirrored each other in movement, and shared experience and hopes. Each of us left with a new intention for our lives.
I attended workshops over the next day and a half, connected one-on-one with a few on-line friends, and exchanged books with Helen Wilkie (Suddenly Single Woman) and Kim Kluxen Meredith (Listen for the Whisper). Since I’m a book lover, I bought a few others such as Brenda Lee Sieglitz’s Ebb from Shoreline: Finding Cancer and Courage.
Their dedication to supporting those who grieve inspired me.
My peak moment was the “Widow’s Rock” flashmob. The dance celebrated love and hope. I had practiced a little at home and joined a Saturday morning practice session. On Saturday afternoon, we practiced once more, walked to the Toronto Eaton Centre shopping mall, and tried our best to look like casual shoppers as the music was set up. Then we rocked. I can only share a rehearsal photo because I was busy dancing. We laughed and wept while we danced. Bystanders cheered us on and got out their cell phones for photos. After we danced, we hugged and let tears flow.
By Saturday night, I was one tired woman, but I dressed in my finest and joined the banquet and party. By then, I couldn’t hear over the noise to talk, but I felt the dj’s rhythms in my feet and danced with new friends.
After Sunday brunch, I drove to the USA/Canadian border, a tired warrior returning home from an adventure. The Finger Lakes greeted me with views of Seneca Lake Valley and a raspberry sunset on my hill.
Thanks to Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation and Camp Widow for creating a supportive and loving community experience. It was a successful, well-organized effort with many dedicated volunteers and helpers. Special thanks to Michele Neff Hernandez for lighting thousands of sparks in this world. Check out 2015 Camp Widows in Tampa, San Diego, and Toronto. If you’ve lost your partner and need a place to feel supported and accepted, Camp Widow is the place for you.
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Have you been to Camp Widow or taken part in Soaring Spirits International Widowed Village? Have you had other chances to be with people who share a similar loss? What was your experience?
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October 15, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Shirley Hershey Showalter
I never knew there were camps for widows, Elaine, but it makes a lot of sense. I love women’s retreats in general and just led one myself. It reminded me again of how healing it can be to come away from the daily grind. What a special connection you much have to these others who also grieve the loss of a beloved partner.
Now I hope you can take a breather from all the travel and enjoy long walks in the woods.
October 15, 2014 at 5:58 pm
Elaine Mansfield
I hadn’t heard of Camp Widow either, Shirley, but it’s been held in San Diego for eight years and now Toronto and Tampa. They have a strong on-line support community, too.
My schedule will lighten now, but I’m preparing a TEDx talk during the so-called lull. I’ve learned the 15 minute talk (no notes allowed) and can focus on delivery, but when I drive or walk or wash dishes, I’m reciting so the ideas will flow. It’s challenging, but I’m doing it! I hope in these coming weeks to write a review for a certain author I enjoy who has a girlhood photo of herself with blushing cheeks on the cover of her book. I finished your wonderful memoir months ago, and it’s sitting on desk waiting for me.
October 6, 2014 at 5:01 pm
Lynne Taetzsch
Elaine, what a great idea–Camp Widow! I do know it helps to share with others who have gone through the same thing. My sister lost her husband a couple years after I lost mine, and we have become a lot closer since.
October 6, 2014 at 8:45 pm
Elaine Mansfield
Camp Widow was interesting, Lynne. The average age is under 45. That put my loss in perspective. I agree it helps to talk to others with a similar loss, and that’s why I like to lead bereavement groups. I’m sorry you and your sister both lost husbands, but grateful you have each other. That’s what I call leaning into love.
October 3, 2014 at 6:02 pm
Michele Dwyer
So happy to have met you, Elaine. Camp Widow was a hoot, but being my first time, I was not prepared for the surge of emotions. It was so overwhelming to me, I sat out the Flash Mob. Kudos to you for doing it!
Nature is my go to place too… And I find that being out in nature is an almost common theme among many who grieve – somehow we all like being right beneath the sky.
Again, such a joy to have met you. Looking forward to reading your new book.
October 3, 2014 at 11:55 pm
Elaine Mansfield
Michele, I was grateful to leave Toronto and return to my quiet Seneca Lake Valley. The flash mob was fun. As much crying went on as laughing. I was wiped out for a few days after returning home.
For me, Nature is the place I feel the flow and movement of living cycles. Nature normalizes loss. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it makes it feel more ordinary. Everyone suffers and everything dies. This is the way of life. Why do I forget?
I’m also glad we met.
October 3, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Robin Botie
I’m going to a second bereaved mothers retreat, this one in Ontario Canada in late October. Reading your post I remembered how comfortable it was to be among others with similar losses. Every woman’s story was different but every story had much in common. I still keep up with some of the women I met on the retreat – I feel they are my sisters. So I was warmed reading this post. Cheers!
October 3, 2014 at 11:44 pm
Elaine Mansfield
Thanks, Robin. I’d love to hear more about your retreats and I’m glad you found comfort there.
October 2, 2014 at 4:33 pm
D.G. Kaye
What a wonderful experience you had Elaine. I hope you enjoyed my city. I’m so sorry I didn’t get the opportunity to meet up with you, but I think you’ll be back at some point and we will connect. 🙂
October 2, 2014 at 8:20 pm
Elaine Mansfield
Hi D.G. I didn’t get a chance to see much besides the Marriott hotel and Eaton Centre. I’ve enjoyed Toronto much more on other visits with a looser agenda. Beautiful weather there, but I spent most of my time underground in conference rooms. Next time I hope we connect.
Thanks for stopping by. Book launch is tomorrow, so whole family is arriving late tonight. Busy time, but sweet.
September 30, 2014 at 11:18 pm
Janet Wylde
Sounds like it was a great experience Elaine. I wish I could have been there to see you dance. So looking forward to Friday at Damiani’s!!
October 1, 2014 at 7:21 am
Elaine Mansfield
Thanks, Janet. Dancing brought me in touch with others in a nonverbal, embodied, joyful way. Since I struggled with hearing in the noise, it was relaxing and exciting at the same time. I look forward to seeing you on Friday.
September 30, 2014 at 9:41 pm
Marian Beaman
You were on a quest for inspiration, understanding and joy – and it looks like you found all three at this retreat. Lovely photos and new friends – impressive!
September 30, 2014 at 10:18 pm
Elaine Mansfield
It was wonderful, but also exhausting, Marian. Next time, I need to pace myself a little better and not try to do everything. Even as a kid, I didn’t want to miss anything. Thank you.
September 30, 2014 at 9:43 am
Kim Kluxen Meredith
Elaine- first of all it was a pleasure to meet you and to spend time together at Camp Widow Canada 2014 in Toronto. You captured the energy and essence of our weekend here in your blog. I enjoyed participating in your workshop, watching you dance in the middle of the flash mob, and being silly together in the photo booth. Now I can focus on your book and learn more about you and your special message.Best wishes on your book launch!
Kim Kluxen Meredith
September 30, 2014 at 10:30 am
Elaine Mansfield
Hi Kim,
I look forward to reading your blog about Camp Widow. Our conversation sparked some soul searching for me. Dancers put me in the middle of the flash mob so they could direct me one way or other when I missed instructions. Sweet. I was taken care of in the middle. The photo booth was silly and fun. A busy week for me because of book launch and family visits, but I read a little of your book in Toronto and look forward to continuing. So glad we connected at Camp Widow. With gratitude, Elaine