Grief is a sacred journey

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After Dallas: Facing My Shadow

“These aren’t marijuana plants,” the policeman said to his partner.  He bent down to inspect a second tray of tomato seedlings I was growing outside and frowned. “These aren’t marijuana plants either.” He slowly shook his head with disappointment. They searched the outside of our

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Demeter and Drought: When the World Turns Dry

The earth moans. Do you hear it? Plants wither. Birds neglect their morning songs. I miss the scent of warm rain. Yesterday’s clouds held promises. Storms blew through with scattered thunder and a whisper of a rainbow. There wasn’t

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The Queen Bee and the Honey Crone

“In Minoan Crete, the Goddess and her Priestesses, dressed as bees, are shown dancing together on a golden seal found buried with the dead.  …the bee signified the life that comes from death…. “Bee Goddess,” Temple of

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Honeybees and Humans: Our Sweet Interdependence

“I don’t see honeybees in the Shirley Poppies this year,” I said to my son David last summer. “Bees usually love them.” “Now that you mention it, I don’t have honeybees in my garden either,” he said. “I see

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Creating Confidence in Dayworlds and Dreams

I drove eleven hours in one day to spend a few days with my son David and his wife Liz. My hearing is too damaged to enjoy music or books on CD, so driving has become visual and cinematic, a

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Persephone: Finding Myself in Her Story

I wore a paper crown. Thick glasses concealed crossed eyes. My head tipped away from my mother, she who pretended everything was fine. Just five, I felt cornered by a dark threat I couldn’t see or name. My parents

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The Half-Life of Love: Eight Years Later

The half-life of love is forever.  ~Junot Diaz, This Is How You Lose Her Eight years after my husband’s death, I carry our love in my heart pocket. I’m used to the ache. Longing doesn’t surprise me. I don’t

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The Caregiver and the Hero: Who’s in the Driver’s Seat?

Six weeks after my husband’s stem cell transplant in 2007, he drove our Subaru west on the New York State Thruway. A stocking cap covered his hairless head. I sat in the passenger seat. His jaw muscles popped

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The Problem with Preferences

I saw a bluebird couple yesterday. “No, NO!” I wanted to yell. “Don’t sit on that nesting box. The tree swallows live there. Try the empty box closer to the house.” They wouldn’t have listened. So, I watched through

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Three Life-Affirming Lessons from Death

1. Death makes us value life The death of someone I love reminds me of my own impermanence. The loss of their familiar presence makes me consider what matters most to me. In my twenties, I read The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos

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